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crystalmethbc.ca :: View topic - I am sooo lost
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I am sooo lost

 
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lostwithoutwords
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Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 6:55 pm    Post subject: I am sooo lost Reply with quote

Hi, Im like my name says, Lost without Words. So I decided to move away and try the re locate idea. It isn't working. I have been clean for 4 years now and I am about to loose my mind. Where I live up north was never allowed Meth due to the H.A's and other reasons. Now it has made its way up here and I am soooo scared. Ever since I have found out that it is now in town, my mouth waters and all I can think about is getting high. I started doing meth when I was 14 and now that i am 28 with 4 years under me I am in relapse mode. My town only has 2 NA meeting a week and i am one of the ones with the longest clean times. So who do i turn to? I can't turn to myself cuz that will just get me in trouble. all my work related friends go out all the time, and i sit at home and stir in my head. argh!!!!! just looking for some one to talk to.
stephen
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SisterCrystal
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Joined: Oct 15, 2005
Posts: 7
Location: Victoria

PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 8:31 am    Post subject: you can do it! Reply with quote

I understand how hard it is to struggle with something like addiction every day without anyone to understand or encourage you. With the longest clean time in your group, you probably feel like you should be an example for the others, when all along you are desperately fighting for your sobriety with no one to talk to. But don't lose sight of one thing - you have made it FOUR YEARS without using. I can't even imagine that! The old demons may have decided to return for a visit and torment you with the feelings and memories of when you were using, but you have already proven that you can beat them. If it took them four years to mount a credible counterattack this time, think how long and far you can make them run if you win this battle! Think back to what you did to get clean four years ago. Moving might have been part of it, but almost no one eludes addiction simply by moving. You must have many skills and strategies for getting and staying clean. Dust them off and put them to work again! In my experience, cravings usually give up and go away relatively quickly if you don't feed them. Focus on what makes you feel good, what saved you four years ago, and remember not how great doing shard was (cause it actually ended up really sucking didn't it), but how great it was to be free of it at last. No longer to have it dominate every day of your life. You can get through this stage. Get absorbed in other things, and the demons will no longer be able to catch and hold your attention so. I haven't been able to do what you have done, but I know these things to be true - at least in my experience. You did it not just once, but over and over for four years! You can do it again. I really believe that. Best of luck to you brother. Blessed be.
_________________
What could possibly go wrong?
How bad could it be?
Trust me, I know what I'm doing!
It was like that when I got here (only not broken).
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lostwithoutwords
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Joined: Aug 24, 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you sister, I am trying soooo hard to understand myself and get these demons out of my head or under control at least. It is hard trying to set the example in my group, let alone be an expamle. Four years is a long time and I know that I will never be "cured", but man alive this is tough. I think I need to take a break from my job and think about where I am going in life, NOT where is my job taking me. My job, my number one stress. I would have never of thought that this meth head would go so far in a career that I am in high demand. I thought, the more work i do the more it would take me out of my addiction and into real life. BOY WAS I WRONG. I am in such shambles in my personal life that my work life is everything i ever hoped it would be. I know it is one thing to be a functional person in society, but i am disfunctional in my own life. I came out of the closet to my family 2 years ago and I thought that was the last one big secret i would ever need to tell. I was great until I got into a relationship and then the dreaded break-up. I knew I was a sensitive person but my emotions tend to get the better of me all the time. I feel like I am just walking into sobriety for the first time these days. Is this normal?
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