My current situation is trying to deal with my son and his issues. He does not want to take care of himself and wants to live at home so he can live his druggy lifestyle and be taken care of. He wants no responsibility, none.
I moved him out at age 18 as he was using, not going to school or working. I gave him three months notice up until his 18th to get help, a job, go back to school etc. He just laughed at me and said he was not leaving.
I changed the locks but he smashed the windows and broke in. I had to get the police involved. He has been in and out of jail since age 15. My worst nightmare came true when he went to adult custody. I had a really difficult time when he first went in, cried every night as he gets victimized. He would call me and tell me terrible things to upset me.
He has been to adult custody now at least four times. The last time was 18 months although he got out in 12 months. He wrote to me non-stop and I thought when he got out he would make big changes because his letters were really positive. He had a goal list 8 pages long which he quickly threw in the garbage the minute he got out.
He did not know where I lived as I moved while he was in jail. Because he talked the talk, I wanted to give him a chance to start over and let him live with me again thinking he would go to treatment. Bad move. He said he had treatment all set up, he didn't.
Things started to fall apart quickly so I had to ask him to leave once again. His pattern is to say he is going to treatment so I will give him another chance. He goes but only stays for a week or so and always finds something wrong with the place, it's too dirty, or people go through his stuff.
Then he gets back in my house with his excuses and says he is waiting to go to another treatment centre just dragging things out as long as he can. He has no intentions of going to treatment, he is just scamming me. I finally figured that out. He has been back and forth since age 18. I have paid damage deposits, rent, paid drug debts so he wouldn't get! beat up.
My mental health state is getting worse. His behaviour is weighing me down. I can't focus at work, can't sleep. I don't know what his drug of choice is but I think it's crack. I'm sure he uses meth, he says he uses whatever he can get. Because he is violent, doesn't hit me but breaks things in my house in order to intimidate me and get his way. He kicks my doors, has broken windows, tried to damage my car by kicking it and punching the windows.
My youngest son is now really depressed because I am depressed. He is scared for our safety. At my son's last rage episode he said he was going to kill himself, slit his wrists. This traumatized my youngest son. He then told me he wishes he can see me when he kills himself as he wants me to suffer forever, says he fantasizes about it. This last rage session really changed how I look at him. Fortunately my younger son didn't hear this part.
I have lost hope that he will change anytime soon and have told him I no longer want him to contact me. It's been two weeks of no contact. I don't want to hear from him yet obsess over him. I'm so afraid he will die from drugs or from being beat up as he does stupid things and gets into dangerous situations. He has been assaulted many times.
I guess my current issues are helping my younger son to cope, and learning to cope myself. I am riddled with guilt even though I have done everything I can to help him. I wonder what went wrong, what did I do. I do not use drugs, don't drink, am a good parent. When he was younger I took him everywhere with me, doted on him. Took him to reading programs, play groups, volunteered at his school, he had a good life.
I did end my marriage because my husband was abusive and drank too much so my son blames me for breaking up his family. He also blames me for having other kids. He was the center of my world and was really jealous when I had more children.
Currently I am trying to stay positive but feel like he has already died, well the son I knew died. The person he presents is not my son, I don't know him at all.
