Right away my dad said that he didn't like him. But you have to understand. My dad has yet to like ANY of my guys. Or should I say he likes them until I get interested in them. Anyway, I told him this guy made me very happy and was an amazing boyfriend. He was about the only thing going right in my life.
Well, about 3 weeks later my dad came to me and said he needed to talk, which is never good. I didn't know what to expect. Then he told me he was fixing to go to rehab for drug addiction because he was addicted to Meth. I didn't know how to react.
I was sad and hurt and unbelievably angry and disappointed. Every emotions you could possibly feel at once. He went on to tell me how long and how it happened. I nearly hit the floor when he told me he had been using for almost 11 years. He started off smoking a little weed socially then he decided it was good enough so about 9 months ago he started smoking Meth.
He said the first time he used he was hooked. It really hurt becasue if he started using 11 years ago then I was just a kid meaning I don't really know my own father. He has always had a very bad temper and bowed up to me on several occasions. As I look back, I am very lucky he never physically hurt me. He went through an out patient rehab. It was a 2 week program.
Supposedly it worked, but I'm not going to deny the fact that I have my doubts. I want him to get better but I will never trust him again. I don't really talk to my dad anymore. And I don't want my dad's relationship with my younger brother and sister to be like mine and his is. I want them to have what we never had. Because of mine and my dad's issues I recently moved to Texas to live with my mom and I am attending college there. I just needed away from everything. And I have gotten to the point to where I don't care whether or not I have a relationship with my father at all, therefore nothing posistive could come from me staying there because I had such a negative attitude.
But it is hard to move on and act like everything is okay. My dad often told me that he trusted me enough to tell me about his problem, which was not optional his therapist made him, and he says all I do now is hold it over his head. But I don't understand how I am supposed to find something like that out and just say oh dad it's okay. You have been selfish and hypocritical and messed up the lives of our whole family, but because you blame it on the drugs and say your sorry, it's okay.
I can't seem to forgive him. He has ruined my high school life and none of my family desereved the hell that he put us through. I don't know how to move on. I will never be able to forgive or forget. Well, my boyfriend used to use and my dad said that is why he didn't like him. However my boyfriend went through a very rough time in his life and got help and quit. My dad doesn't think that he stopped using.
So I'm in a situation where I don't know what to do. I refuse to be around the drugs. It affected my entire life and I am starting over and I do not want to go through any of that again. Yet, I am big on everyone messes up and deserves a second chance. So what do I do? Do I trust him or leave him? I would appreciate anyone's advice.
My heart goes out to anyone who deals with some of these same struggles. I have always watched on talk shows about drugs and families and I have always been sympathetic. You think your family is invinsible and it can never happen to you. Well I am living proof, it can happen to anyone. But I am also living proof that you can always make it through. You just have to hang in there.
Thank you for listening to my story. And to everyone...good luck in life.
