Anyone can get clean, you just have to make the decision
Date: Monday, October 30 @ 23:08:07 PST
Topic: Personal Stories


My grades in school were dropping from an A average to a C-. I wanted more than anything to improve them. I was in class one day and I seen a young lady working productivly with her work. I thought she would be a good person to hang out with since I knew she had work ethic. We go to know each other through out the class. By the time the block had ended, she told me she was on a drug that makes you “speedy”. I thought to myself “that’s perfect, that’s what might help me with my homework.”

I hadn’t really thought through what the effects were or what dangers were involved with it. By the end of class I gave her 10 dollars and asked her if she could get me some. A few days went by and I was wondering what she did with my money so I asked her if she got the drug... She told me she hadn’t, showed me the 10 and told me she still would. So I waited. It was a Friday after noon, February 22nd 2005, and I skipped the day of school because I was fed up with the guilt and pressure that I had put myself through. My mom wasn’t home so I decided to go downtown, where I met the girl from my class, but this time she wasn’t alone. Little did I know they were dealers? They asked me if I wanted to drink that night.

I went along with it since I didn’t have anything to do and I was down on myself. A few hours went by and I ended up at this girl’s house. I was intoxicated. There was a group of us. When I sat up to grab another beer I had seen one of her friends taking out a mirror and a straw. There were 6 lines on the mirror. They passed it around the circle as if it was a casual thing to do. I analyzed their every move. When the mirror came to me I did exactly what they did.

**At first I didn’t feel a thing. My vision seemed normal, and I didn’t feel any different so I wasn’t scared. By the next day I was at someone else’s house and I hadn’t gone home. I wasn’t me anymore I was an addict. I had no feeling to others that weren’t in my group and I didn’t have the same priorities in life. The drug crystal meth ruined my chance to be in main stream school since I skipped weeks/ months at a time, not realizing how much time had passed. I started to freak out on my mom on little things. I felt distant from my own mother. I had lost 10 pounds in less than a month. Then another 10 had just fallen off. Summer came quickly and my mom had decided to move. I hadn’t seen her in almost 2 months, and I was so mad that she would decide to take us away from the place were I had “friends”. When my mom wasn’t home I ended up robbing my own house for money. I intentionally did it to pay-back my mom for deciding to move. To this day I have guilt and shame for what I have caused my family to go through.

**I got to the point where I would stay up for 16 days without sleep or food. All I could think about is doing my next line. My true self was trapped in a box and my additive personality took over. I was like this for a good year. Doing this drug was like throwing my life away piece by piece. I would watch other users do the same thing, it was like a game. How well can you survive if you have nothing? It was a competition with others with accessories, clothing, looks, and dope.

**I told myself I have to quit. By then I had been using for a year and a half. It was difficult. I would go on binges. I would use for about 2 months and then quit for 2 weeks. Some of the users didn’t think you were an addict if you can quit for at least a week. All my life my mother had a brain tumor. She ended up going to the hospital because her tumor to into a grand-mal. On my 16th birthday I did the most I had ever done. I got extremely sick. I wanted to see my mom but it wasn’t to see her, it was to get money. To this day I am so sorry for the way I acted and I will never get to say I’m sorry since she passed away on St.Patricks day. After she passed I got put into foster care.

**I didn’t quit using. I continued along my path of destruction of my body. I would run away from home after home after home. It got to the point where I "woke up" and I didn’t know what month, day, time it was. I got so scared. I got my "friend" to drive me back to where my foster home was and I talked to my social worker. He suggested treatment options. For that spit second I was willing to do anything to get me back to the way I was. This suggestive thinking only lasted a few days, but a few days were all I needed. I was lucky to hold on to those positive thoughts long enough for me to believe them. It was hard and I felt like I was loosing everything I had all over again. I decided to go to treatment with the help of my father. He started to phone me more often. The shock of my mothers passing went away and it all clicked it. I must have cried for a good week strait. All I did was sleep, cry and eat. It was the worst feeling in my life. I had to get a routine going in my! life to help me cope with nothing to do.

**It was a 5 month wait to get into treatment. I had seen my doctor and drug councilor regularly to reinforce my original (positive) decisions. Without the positive support I wouldn’t be where I am today. I just have one thing to say... "You have to want to go to treatment YOURSELF for it to work". If anyone forces you to go in it, you will probably “use” again. Parents should not force there children, teenagers, friends, to go, you have to let the person inside the addict do the thinking for themselves.

**This story reflects on a personal level, and is not intended to scare or trigger anyone. It is a reminder that anyone can get clean, you just have to make the decision.





This article comes from CrystalMethBC - Meth Information Website
http://crystalmethbc.com

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