Another story of hope

[Sumina]

Hi again, I had a desperate story back in September about my 14 year old daughter on drugs. In December it lead to Meth and as a reaction from that I withdrew her from school and did a home detox which took at least 3 weeks just to get her up and about after many hours of sleeping. My beautiful daughter now looked like crap and there's no polite way of saying it nor would I. She had huge zits on her forehead that she constantly picked at, she lost at least 15 lbs and she was already skinny and she looked like the living dead. When she started coming around and the drugs were leaving her system she got very antsy and ran away and spent a night on the streets in the cold rain. It took me a week to get her home with a great deal of prodding at the RCMP as she was finding refuge on a home on native land which the city police couldn't get involved. What a headache to deal with as a parent. I had very little time to retrieve her before she found out that I knew where she was and she bolted and I spent most of that time begging for police assistance. I don't want to hear from police "what do you want me to do about it". I want to hear "how can I help". That area needs work.

My story of hope begins here. She is home and we have re-established our line of communication as COMPROMISE is a huge part of teenagers growing up and making good decisions. Compromise was very hard for me as I felt I was loosing control as the parent. It took a lot of effort for me to learn that control is not a way that anyone wants to live. Understanding the boundaries and respecting each other (even when each of you doesn't think you've earned respect - it has to start somewhere and by someone). I realized I can't compete with the way other parents raise their children nor can I help them if they don't want help and I had to do what I felt was right and for all this hard work, I was placed in the strange person and weird parent box. My daughter and I now laugh and share real stuff with each other and even after her friend told her she plans to run away and this time out of town my daughter said she won't be going. I'm so proud of her for that strength as she cares so much about her friends. She says she has learned her lesson and doesn't intend to do the hard drugs. Now I know what you're thinking. I know she'll probably do pot but I've also learned that I have to choose my battles. I just tell her to be careful of the pot because some are lacing it with coke and Meth. It's all a part of the process and she has to learn and see what her choices are doing to her and where they are taking her and I've been clear that I'd rather she be high on life rather that on drugs or alcohol.

My daughter is back in school part-time in the mornings and she is seeing a teen counsellor once a week in the afternoon (there is definitely not enough young, hip teen counsellors out there) and the rest of her time she comes home and we do homework together. She's also attending fitness, wellness and alternative job skill courses in the afternoons. School may take us longer but at least she's alive to keep attending school. My strict, busy agenda and tough love didn't work as she didn't understand any of it when she was on drugs. My constant love and acceptance did work. When I approached 3 teens this past month and listened to what they were stressed about and gave them a hug and told them I loved them, they cried. Feeling safe and accepted for the good and bad they do was an avenue to release some stress, sadness and depression they were feeling. I know I don't like to be yelled at so I wouldn't do it to another person. I had to also learn that this whole process is not about ME and my family image. Help is there for your family when YOU decide to stop making this about YOU. I'm beginning to think that the more we look at ourselves and our own shortcomings, the less we'll judge others for their diversity or open-mindedness. I also see the more someone pushes and prods at others, the more it reflects on their own insecurities. I'm keeping the faith that our pathway will continue to lead to success. But my guard for the summer is still up as the street events bring drug activity.

Thank you so much for the CLEAR meetings (parent support meetings) they have been a huge help. I urge everyone who even has questions or may suspect their family member is using drugs to drop in and attend. It's held every other Sunday (next one March 12) 7pm - 9pm at the Travellers Inn 1961 Douglas St - Salon C. What you see and hear in these meetings is the REAL DEAL. You will see you are not alone and no one is going to judge you. Take Care All!

[patty]

That's fantastic to hear! the majority seems to think that kids today
have it easy,which I don't believe to be the case. they have alot more
choice which puts alot more on their plate to deal with.comunication
and compromise is key!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S.

[phoenix]

WoW, mama, Good for You! I am so proud of your daughter for the progress she has made- she is comeing into her own, albeit the hard road.
When we learn lessons that way, we do come out the other side stronger.
It sounds like you have grown as a mother and I commend you- I can not imagine what it is like to watch from that side...I certainly put my own ma thru the works,though.
Thank you so much for shareing this story.