I am 39years of age 4 kids and was extremely bright and together. A girlfriend and i went out one night and she had some crystal with her. She asked if i wanted some and she took out a glass pipe and her and i began to smoke. If i would have known what was to come after that I would have never done it. My liking for the affect was extreme.The energy, the creative feeling that came over me. Soon it was every weekend, than every other day, than every day. My friends became dopers, they had no jobs, nor any goals. Most just looking for a place to smoke.
My home became the smoke house. In which I lost my childrens faces. How they ate or where they slept i did not know. I was robbed and left a prisoner of the drug and of who i thought were my friends. I began to rip wholes the size of quarters into my skin as i was so disgusted and ashamed.
I finally had a small amount of pride to throw everyone out, even cleaned up long enough to see my childrens faces. They had nothing but fear in there eyes from what I had showed them. Even at 2 my youngest was helping me her mother take care of myself, when it should have been the other way around.
Ive been sort of saved and taken from the place where it all started but is there an end. Its only been a week and im dying to get back to that feeling that started this mess. The withdrawels are a nightmare, i am so ugly to be around. I know i can do it, at least i pray for a miracle.
The addiction is so strong, I really want to fight it. Im scared and ashamed does anyone relate. How could a person who had it so together become such a wreck from a drug with such poison, come on now, liquod draino. What the fuck am i crazy or ready to die.
