While the two drugs are very different, the addiction is not. You mentioned you cant trust, forgive, or forget, yet I also got the impression that even though you feel as if you don't know your father at all because of his continued use for 11yrs, you still seem to love him very much. It is okay to love someone and not be able to trust them.
Maybe someday you will, but even if you don't that is OKAY. And you're right, you wont every forget but over time you may be able to forgive. I don't like to say I want to give you advice because everyone is their own unique person and you sound like you have a great deal of wisdom and insight already... I'm simply going to share a little of my own experience with you in hopes that you'll know that you've made the right choice to not remain in an unhealthy environment
There is a HUGE difference between sobriety and recovery and if your dad went to 2wks of outpatient after 11yrs of using, that may not have given him the resources and support he needs to learn to live a normal life again. Once drugs have taken taken over your life everything and everyone you come in contact with is drug related.
People truly think they can maintain the same friendships when they're clean as they had when they were using and that simply isn't so. Fact of the matter is that most times the only common denominator between people who use is the using itself and that's no kind of friendship.
My battle with oxycontin began when I sustained a back injury and after that I was off and running... I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't a problem since I was what people often refer to as the "functioning addict" (an oxymoron in and of itself) because I still held down a decent job and paid my bills (don't ask me how)... So I think I was able to fool myself into thinking I didn't have a drug problem.
After about 2yrs of using every day I found out I was pregnant. Well I obviously hadn't cared enough about myself to quit, but I sent myself to treatment for pregnant woman because I cared about my baby... It was 28days of in-patient followed by 2yrs of out-patient with an amazing counsellor. I've been so inspired by my whole experience with it that I'm currently in college to become a chemical dependency counsellor. I was very lucky and blessed that my daughter suffered no damage as a result of the drug use and she is my constant reminder why I am doing what Im doing...
Only now I love myself enough to not carry any shame with me... The reason I've shared my own personal experience with you is so that maybe you can see that it's possible that your father really wants to get his life back together and have a relationship with you, but it will take more than just 2wks of out-patient for him to truly embrace his recovery...
He will eventually grow to understand why you cant have a relationship with him right now... It will take baby steps on both your parts to work towards having a healthy relationship if that's even something you're comfortable with. You may not want that for a long time and that's okay.
Also on a scientific note, drugs of any kind actually deplete the dopamine levels in the brain, so that after repeated use your brain will actually stop storing the dopamine because it's been reconditioned if you will, to get it from another source -the drugs. Dopamine is often referred to as the brain's "pleasure" neurotransmitter.
Once an addict makes the decision to get clean they can become irritable, confused, depressed, etc. I had to go on an anti-depressant after I had my daughter and it saved my life. This is NOT to say that everyone who gets clean needs to take an anti-depressant. This is simply just what worked well for me at restoring the dopamine levels in my own brain.
This MAY be something your dad wants to discuss with his counsellor IF he is experiencing a really hard time adjusting to "normal" life again... Again, this is JUST WHAT WORKED WELL FOR ME, and everyone is different...
Out of all the stories I read on here, yours is the one that stood out and inspired me. I am currently involved in a community project to address the meth problem where I am (in the states) because it's become some what of an epidemic down here as well...
So I stumbled across this website and Im glad I did because it gives me hope to know that there are young people out there who are so smart and strong willed that they wont give in to the power that drugs have over so many of us...
